Friday, May 14

I spy – on the trains

As a frequent train traveller, I was delighted to be asked to contribute to a new edition of the I-Spy book of train travel. I have started jotting down some notes for the book:

(1) A group of middle-age ladies in hats get on the train at 10 am and crack open some little bottles of champagne. They are off to London to “take in a show” – 20 points

(2) Not getting your ticket checked on Friday and Saturday night because the guard is too scared to walk down the train (and who can blame him?). – 10 points

(3) You get a seat. – 20 points

(4) The person who you’ve been chatting to mentions that he’s just got out of prison for murder. – 100 points

(5) Someone is smoking in the toilet. – 10 points

(6) You successfully ignore the family who are lingering near your table kingdom in the vain hope that you will move for them. – 30 points

(7) Seeing elation turn to despair in the face of the revenue protection officer when you ask to buy a ticket, only to reveal that you are joking and are fully ticketed up. No penalty fare joy for him today. – 50 points

(8) The automated announcement system makes over 100 announcements during your journey. – 20 points

(9) You see some bunnies and a moo cow out of the window. – 10 points

(10) The buffet attendant is a bit rude to you. – 20 points or 200 points for use of the actual c– word.

(11) A person leaves the Quiet Zone in order to make a phone call – 50 points.

(12) The automated announcement system tells you about the Quiet Zone again. – 20 points

(13) You are sitting opposite someone famous, like Ken Russell. – 50 points

(14) You are sitting near a person who keeps looking at you just to check that you are not looking at them. – 30 points

(15) Part of the train comes away in your hand. A door handle, for example. – 40 points

How did you do?

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